“Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you.”
Excerpt of lyrics from “Fix You” by Coldplay
The one constant in life is change. We can try to resist, yet rest certain it will persist. It happens whether we are ready or not. Sometimes change can be fantastic when it brings positive developments to our world. However, when it brings pain from loss or disappointment our first instinct may be to run or hide, numb ourselves out so as to not face the new reality that is developing right before us. Put up walls so as to not let anyone else in.
I recall a time in my adult life when the painful kind of change visited me in a way that left me helpless, hopeless even, not knowing how to navigate this brave new world. Overwhelmed with the responsibilities of life. Less time to enjoy. Friends moving away. Feeling very alone. Not liking who I saw looking back at me in the mirror. I used to spend many an afternoon with tears running down my face, losing myself in whichever bad habit I had adopted to try to numb myself out. Not knowing what would become of me.
At that point in my life, my mother was still alive and it was to her I turned for guidance. And, while she could not fix me herself, she did pray for me and with me. She would ask God to guide me and show me the light to follow. That guidance had me saying yes to attend a retreat where I heard this song, Fix You , by Coldplay, not for the first time, but perhaps in a way that started a healing process that continues until today. All the lyrics…
“when you try your best, but you don’t succeed, when you get what you want, but not what you need, when you feel so tired, but you cannot sleep, stuck in reverse….But if you never try, you will never know…I will try to fix you…”
As if God was speaking to me directly, because that was when I started to allow love to fix me, that love that was offered to penetrate the walls that surrounded my heart. And each light worker I met, connected with me and started to ignite the light that was within me. So much so that 5 years later, when my mother’s light on Earth had gone out, and the world became the darkest that I have ever experienced it up until this point, more lost than ever, I was eventually able to accept the light and love offered from others to guide me home.
I believe there in those moments, mistakes, hard change, we learn the most. Through the angels on Earth who did not let me give up. We learn that God’s unconditional love is offered to fix each one of us at those deeply hurt places. And, if we allow it, we hold on with all our might and watch as our bones start to heal and ignite from within. That is the beauty of being resurrected from a time of pain, that is the beauty of the transformation that comes from change. That is the moment when we all shine!
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