As I set out on this past year looking for transformation, it is clear as I review all that has happened my intention to change was very strong. I was inspired to pull out my vision boards this morning, one that was done in January as I started 2017 and the second one that was done in July when I was about to resign from one career to move forward to the next.
The themes from the start of 2017 jumped out at me: Find my groove, empowered to heal, strengthen family ties, embark on new projects, and embrace a boldness as I move into my new something wonderful. And as many of you who know me, I stubbornly set out to have all of this happen, sometimes ignoring my own intuition and need to slow down as I moved into the process. So mid-year, the noticeable a dip in my optimism should not have come as a surprise as I took my hard punches, looking to combat fear with themes like: Let it go, Come as you are, Use your voice, Your life Your terms, Dream Big, and Trust Yourself. Knowing that right around the corner I would be making a choice to move forward, my visuals encouraged me, even though I was scared, there was no turning back.
So fast forward, November 29th, I was interviewed by a beautiful woman, Marsie Ross, that I met serendipitously at the beginning of my year of transformation on a plane ride returning from my last detail with my job to D.C. I remembered how excited I got talking to her last January as we shared for 3 hours non stop our wisdom that we have learned over the years and our dreams. Nearly 11 months later, we came together again to have a conversation centered around seasonal depression on air, but for me the “after show” soul talk is where the continued meaning of our shared journeys became clear, we both were able to validate our paths as if through the magical and affirming nature of our connection.
You see, I have been struggling recently with the bitterness that accompanies what I believe are unrealized expectations that has left me a bit depressed myself. The “I should have had” scenarios. I should have gotten the national recognition that I worked so hard for. I should have gotten the promotion that I was more than qualified for. I should have left earlier. I should have transformed body and soul into a better version of myself this past year. I should have showed up more for my kids. I should have been helped more as I make this new path as I have helped others so willingly in the past. I should not have spent the money on this or that. I should be making money already. I should be at a different place in my life as I quickly approach 48 on December 1st. Ugh!!!!! This is what drives one to drink, although my particular drug of choice centers around dark chocolate. And with all the “shoulding” on myself, who would not be a bit disillusioned, disappointed and distressed as to the direction of the future.
When I hung off from our conversation last night, it finally dawned on. If this is to be my journey, I need to be much more patient as I walk my path. “Should” needs to be removed from my dictionary, this is where I am now and the discernment has great purpose for my soul’s growth as I put the pieces of my puzzle together. These artificial expectations that I place on myself , what I believe that the world tells me I need to do to be a success, could actually limit the possibilities for my life waiting right around the corner. As I begin to let the bitterness and expectation go, I start to allow the magic find me, instead of me chasing it. The overarching message for me this past year of transformation then becomes, yes have the courage to make the decisions soundly, be brave. Own it even, but get out of your own way so that you can better step into your calling. At the same time, let go of what you thought should have been yours, so you can open up to the beauty of what is waiting for you. And on finding this, my voice, because of its vulnerability, I never felt so strong. Show up as authentically as you can and free yourself from the constraints of this world is the message I have to share at the end of 2017. It is time to move forward doing you best under the circumstances. It is time to be confidently you and celebrate all your successes as they appear before you. That begins today. It is time to embrace the transformation, be gentle as to where you are so that you can empower yourself and others to just be in this world doing your thing, as we all know that we are not of this world. So Don’t Ever Let it Change the Authentic You!