“And very often, the “clic of clarity” has been preceded by feelings of confusion, despair, hopelessness, and so on which I have had to work my way through. So don’t worry… the darkest hour is truly before the dawn.”
In January 2012, I was at my wits end. I was amongst the walking dead so to speak. The feeling of being lost was ever present at each moment of my day. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was searching for a place where I could get the help that I needed to start the process of healing. I had not begun processing the grief that was ever looming over head. I just desperately wanted to find a place to go where I could be heard. Someone who could tell me that “it” would be ok and that what I was experiencing was a part of the human experience. Not willing to suffer in silence, I had attended grief groups, talk therapy, and the like and it all seemed to just churn up the feelings of helplessness, sorrow, and desperation that left me feeling worse after the fact.
Like all magical moments since, about 6 years ago was the first time I actually consciously was aware that I could ask and then allow the universe to help me find my way. And like all amazing serendipity, the asking and allowing led me to one of the most empowering experiences in my life, a group of 5 women who met monthly to transform their dreams into reality- and the magic I have embraces is something that I have taken with me as I walked the journey forward:
Here is an excerpt from what I wrote in May of 2012 as a part of an assignment regarding my words of “Intention”:
“The intention that I wish for you to hold for me is effortless magic. I was looking for one word- I was thinking magical, but I have been struggling so much with being positive about my professional transformation that I was hoping effortless could be something I can fold into that-magic for some may conjure up a negative image but for me it is positive, magical meaning wonderment-appreciating the beauty of the world- I want positive things to start happening for me and come at a quicker rate. I am so ready to make a change, I am so ready to see myself step into something wonderful. I want to support myself in this new life and not live in fear of it. . . I have been writing my book and I have been compiling my insights of the day to put into book format. My idea or external goal would be to publish both of these books and then do more follow your bliss seminars and a book tour as well. I even went so far as to see myself develop a positive clothing line as well as a screenplay that is based upon the book. I have two gifts that speak to me now- I am a good communicator and a good motivator. So hard to understand why I am not motivating or inspiring myself. I just want everything to fall into place effortlessly – and it can do that- I just need to believe in the magic of it all. . . ”
That was 6 years ago that I set this down in writing and my journey certainly has unfolded magically, now I get to add my faith in the universe so that the effortless will accompany what I know to be true- that we get to show up as magical me and you!
My beautiful work in progress! Never giving up especially during the darkest hours, because I know the magic possibility lies where it is darkest right before dawn.