“Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.”
Edgar Allan Poe
I find it incredible ironic how life is. I really feel called to share whatever I can to inspire others to live the life of their dreams, yet at the same time I have opted for a life where I am voluntarily in a box of my own choosing. A safe one, or so it appears. One that has often been described by others when it is time to move on metaphorically as wearing golden handcuffs. Why would I stay in something where I have come to the point that it hinders my soul when I know I can climb out anytime? If I were younger and had no kids I probably would have done so many moons ago.
Some dreams add to others, while some take away. What are you ready for? What is it time for? There is a time for everything. Don’t let fear of the unknown allow you to grab onto security of what you know as it replaces joy. Most definitely after my mother passed away, I was ready to make a break for it. I was at a place where I experienced the most darkness, looking in peering, wondering, doubting, yet ultimately believing in myself because I had a glimpse into how short our journey on this Earth really is. I knew I could do anything I put my mind to. I knew I needed to dream my own dream even if mere mortals never dared. It was as if I heard her, my mother, guiding me from beyond-Move forward my Meggie, don’t get lost here! Yet, needing approval from others has always been my kryptonite, so when mere mortals did not encourage the same path, staying safe, I balanced my risk adverse ego against my need to explode into rebirth myself. While I would have liked to say a complete YES to my dreams- a mere 6 weeks was all that I had to right my way. A mere 6 weeks where I had time to evaluate my direction, re-energize my spirit, nurture my body and soul. At the end, I felt so good again. I felt alive again. I felt the beginning of a transformation. Yet, upon returning to the same box, forward progress slowed to how I could fit my dreams into my life, instead of how I could fit my life into my dreams.
Hearing from others that we are so lucky to have this opportunity, we are so blessed made me feel bad for questioning my choice and I stayed even though my soul was telling me otherwise. Even though the signs of the universe introduced individuals who were callous and mean, I kept looking for my angels knowing that this was my choice for that time. My soul was flying like a beautiful butterfly on the shoulder of a glamorous unicorn surrounded by the magic of angels and fairies, while my ego held me to the ground so scared.
There a is a full circle feeling to the different stages of my life. In fact, given the same circumstances when I started my career as a lawyer, where I felt that I was stuck, not experiencing positive growth, and surrounded by low morale, I said YES to my life and gave my two week notice to the dream quashers. It was not easy then because fear bore its ugly head, but I did it and what happened next was one of the best synchronistic miracles of my life. When I said NO to what no longer served me and YES to greater possibilities, then doors began to open again and with unwavering faith (well maybe not unwavering) I tapped into the positive flow of the universe just waiting to respond to the desires or call in my soul. I found myself in my current position, ready to learn all that it had to offer.
Many years later, I have had to build stairs to climb out of this box. The riches of the experience have left me truly nostalgic already for what I will leave behind when I take my final step up and over. The people who have come into my life, the opportunities that I have earned, the incredible ups and downs that I have shared with so many. I am almost to the top of my box. And the climb once again has been nothing less than miraculous. But there is a time and season to the different stages of life and I must make the choices to best fit my life to my dreams. I have big dreams so that is quite a huge undertaking. But what I would give up, the positive growth, the new connections, the love that is waiting for me, the bursting into my calling, that is all something that I am not willing to risk losing if I decided to stay. “It has always been you”, the universe says when I ask for guidance. “what speaks to you, what calls to you, what pleads to you?” “Do not be afraid, my daughter,” she still speaks to me. “I am here, and it’s always been you.” “You fit your life to your dreams and your story will comfort you when darkness comes. For the bridge will appear to take you over to the next chapter of your life. Trust it. It is and will be amazing.”