“In total surrender of the ego, the transformation of our vibration unfolds by itself, to levels far beyond our imagination.” Annette Duveroth
Last night, before I turned in from a busy day of my new wonderful reality, I sat down with my journal, the place where I have memorialized my thoughts for the past 6 months. Out of curiosity, I opened to the first page and began to read as if I were the observer looking from afar at this person who by her own words documented her pain of disappointment, hopelessness, feelings of being less than and never enough. All left on the page, naked and vulnerable, as I read this as if for the first time, the heaviness of my life overcame me and compassion set in. Compassion for the precious, vulnerable woman who struggled between her ego’s desire to be validated by others in a place that never aligned with her spirit and her wish to break free from fear and liberate herself to step again into the magic that does.
Tears formed at the corner of my eye, it was even difficult to read the battle within that went on almost on a daily basis sprinkled with positive tomes that I know were responsible for forward momentum. Challenged by not showing her weakness to the world for fear that it would swallow her up, the ego was badly bruised and battered making it difficult to get up again each step she figuratively fell. But she did, I did!
After I closed my journal feeling sleepy and sorrowful, I was grateful. I found my gratitude for that day and here is the message that resonated in my heart. Because I never gave up on the dream of what life could be, the magic already happened, why was I allowing my ego to convince me that it never did? All our lives, we strive to achieve, the if… then conundrum. If I get the recognition I desire, then I will be at peace. But the reality is, I already have everything I need, everything I ever wanted- all the wishes in my heart fulfilled, no external source need to say it is so. Now, by releasing the pain from the pages of my past and in gratitude give thanks for the wisdom provided, there is a transformation of self, a surrender into the vibration of a magical world just waiting to be known, a new awakened consciousness. Release of the never ending struggle, replaced by the notion that God has already provided that which we are open to receive. And, the magic is in the aha that the next chapter and its pages will be filled with the beauty that comes from stepping into the something wonderful and out of a past that no longer serves you.
Happily I closed my eyes to rest, knowing full well that when I opened my eyes in the morning hours, I would be ready for life living from a place of possibility! Even if I stumble, this knowledge I know will lift me to higher levels beyond my imagination as long as I trust the process and know faithfully that the journey will lead me to where I need to go.