“We do not walk on our legs, but on our Will.” Sufi proverb
What ‘s with all of this anxiety? My goodness, when it gets to the point that I am staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night, I wonder why the heck I did not receive a little (or big) instruction book when I came into this world. One beautifully tailored, perfectly positive book that I could go to when life kicks it up one stressful notch after another. One that I can use when I want it all laid out in front of me, the “How tos!” I think that all my parents got when I arrived on a cold December morning was she is healthy, congratulations and good luck!
Where oh where is that someone, that divine presence that appears magnificently just to tell me what to do next. Just thinking about something like that happening in actuality could freak me out. And besides, truth be told, I am so rebellious that I probably would either argue or cross examine whomever showed up as having some ulterior motive that would eventually harm me. Such is the life of the seasoned prosecutor charged to identify fraud.
And that takes me back to the anxiety. I cannot help but think about all the lessons and the leftover feelings that have still lingered after some big choices were made in a most crazy yet surprising then back to PTSD-driven year. And here I am with my pithy ways ready to release (or am I?) My legs can only take me so far in life, the Will to go further is what I am relying on lately. If this will became a character in my life, it would be the wind on God’s breath whispering to me RE-MEMBER who I am, RE-MEMBER. And from that place, move forward as I just make it all up as I go along.
That coupled with the “What do you want Meg?” And the question is important. Intention is important. Sent here with a mission, on fire with purpose, lighting up so that I can live with intention and clarity. Halt to the seeking so that the discovering brings a sort of peace that will calm my mind. The not knowing how to put it all together haunts. The not knowing if I did this right worries me so. The not knowing if my choices are bringing me the space to truly RE-MEMBER who I am. Life still without instructions and I have gotten this far. I have embraced the fact that I am writing my own story now onto the fabric of this world. And besides, not having a default in the form of an instruction book forces me to go within to tap into the source of the answers, that little voice that becomes my own personal power and bring it forth. And release resistance to allow my beautiful music to play.
The pendulum still swings from “Are you kidding me?” to “enjoy the flexibility and surrender”. All of us just figuring it out, doing our best, and smiling when our guides show up here and there when we need them most (they do show up just not as a burning bush for me) Love is the key that will bring me home. I will continue to walk on faith even when I cannot see what lies before me. That seems to have worked out well for me this far!