“I shut my eyes in order to see.” Paul Guaguin
This week, I examine what makes me authentically me. Not a surprise, when I set out to write my blog yesterday around this subject, writer’s block has overtaken me. Too much coming at me, I thought that I was supposed to be having fun. If I create my own reality, then what the heck am I doing with this back pain that reflects unfinished business and fear of my own monsters. So, on the advice of Paul Guaguin, I close my eyes to see and hope that I will recover a sense of a newly empowered identity.
Make it alright where you are. Feel good in the skin that you are in. Go the path more lightly and easily, and be sure to do so consciously. Let my guard down to help bring down the walls that I have constructed to keep me safe. Trust always a question that comes to mind with each and every new interaction. These are the mantras I practice to bring me back to awareness.
Then, yesterday, I was called to the principal’s office at my daughter’s school. As my daughter was having some issues, I was hoping to meet with the teachers to figure out what we can do. Trust. Will these people do the right thing for my little girl? Guard back up as I transformed into the warrior for her. Contracted, the throbbing pain in my lower back reminded me that I still have past issues to resolve. Getting past it so I could show up effectively for this young soul entrusted to my care.
Close my eyes. Who am I? Her mother. Yet, I am clearly aware that I am also that young girl who so long ago suffered in silence. Memories return as I recalled those days where another comment or nasty action chipped away at my resolve and confidence. That’s not me anymore, why do I go there again? It does not define me. Triggered. Determined to not have the same kind of past revisited on my daughter, I was her champion, her advocate, her protector. At the same time, I showed up and stood up for her so I could re-parent the little girl in me.
I follow inspiration now, pure positive energy surrounds me. Eyes closed, I like me. Sure, there are things I can improve upon, but I am not done yet. I am different now, I do not need to return to where I was long ago. Those are memories not my identity. I am not scared. Having faced the monsters, I realize it is only the over-exaggerated shadow of a field mouse that I see. I face my fears, my pain, my life so differently.
Close my eyes and see what it is that needs to be seen. Away from the chaos, I embrace harmony. I am taking the path of least resistance and feel the wind of change against my skin pushing me on. I feel amazing in this skin. Each mark, wrinkle, and beauty mark is mine. Everything is exactly as it should be, this is what I will use as I deliberately create an empowered life and identity. I am eternal. The magic inside of me opens up my eyes to more clarity. Now, S.H.I.N.E. with me!
Very freeing, very self-loving and more love is all we need. Let this time be magical!
Come S.H.I.N.E. Love with us!
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