“Why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me.”
J. K. Rowling
As a wordsmith, I remember loving the term of art in English called the “dangling modifier”. A dangling modifier is a word or phrase that modifies a word not clearly stated in the sentence. It always seemed like perfect visual description of what an unfinished scenario in grammar looked like.
Metaphorically, my life right now feels like this dangling scenario. Keeping in a state of uncertainty, waiting for the magic to come to guarantee failure no more. Setting out to finish the telling of a part of the my story, I am vulnerable to the criticism that comes with the unveiling of mistakes made along the way. And, the finish line is so close. It is I who needs to get out of my own way.
I just love JK Rowling’s words to get me there. She said, “I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was. . . ” To garner all of my energy to build up the escape velocity that will catapult me, I face and embrace everything that has happened for the last eight years when I thought I lost my mom, or even the last fifty years as that auspicious birthday slowly gets closer with each passing day. Knowing now, it is the word success that seems to be missing from the pages of my life. Actually owning this chapter, I tie up what dangles. Turning with confidence to the work at hand, I release my story ready to enjoy the something wonderfuls waiting in the next.
Long ago, I set out to walk my journey of a million miles. Leaving the closet, I realized that I could never really protect myself from pain. I found others with whom I could come alive and there is where I found my peace again. With that, I now fill in the final pages. Success will come when I am done. It is not too far off, the work that matters most pushes me on. Finishing what I started, here it becomes my victory song. I am afraid of what comes next, but not getting there is far worse a fate. Unfortunately, I am still unable to give it a firm date. But page by page, word by word, I dangle no more. Hoping that in the final pages, I get to settle some score.
Mostly with myself, as I have allowed my worth to be undervalued. But grateful, so very grateful for the freedom to see who I am from a more loving place. Our purpose here on Earth could be special for humanity or perhaps the entire human race. Head up, eyes on the prize, joyful and ready to play. I will finish the Beautiful Butterfly, and get ready to get ready for another magical hooray. No plans, no apologies, nothing but confidence to guide me on my way! For success is finishing what you started, no matter what it looks like at the end of the day.