This week I am supposed to recover a sense of identity. After 43 years on this earth, I think that it is about time. But on first glance, I ask myself what the heck does that mean? I am intimately familiar with myself having lived in the direct vicinity for quite some time. But after reading the introduction, I don’t think that is what “recovering a sense of identity” actually means. I think that it means standing up for myself, for my dreams, and for my desires. I think this week is all about getting clear, defining what I want from my journey, my life even and moving from “THAT” place. Interestingly enough, I have been getting more and more agitated and impatient lately. If I did not have an inner censor, I may even scream out “enough already of living a life that doesn’t feel right.” But the frustration comes when I am asked “what would feel right for me?”
And as I read the full chapter, everything that I am feeling is right in line with where I should be. Starting with guidance for Going Sane, I am learning to challenge self-doubt with positive affirmations to prevent self-sabotage so early in the creative recovery. That has already been a challenge for me. I have already questioned myself and asked what makes me think I am creative? I think I spent most of the day in a funk as I could not figure out how I was going to pull that off- to live a life enveloped in creativity seems to be an impossibility. Why is this bothering me so much?? Maybe because I am 43 and don’t want to waste another second not following my bliss. There is that wonderful, magical word again- Bliss!
Because this chapter talks about setting boundaries to protect your inner artist, it warns to stay away from “Poisonous playmates.” Those people that are threatened by your new journey. Those who ward off change and would rather keep you and them in their comfort zone. I like the part where the author of this book suggests that I draw a circle around your recovery and suggests that I give myself the gift of faith.
Then there are the crazy makers that I need to be aware of. Those people who can take over your entire life. Those “crazy” people who discount my reality, break deals and destroy schedules, and who create unnecessary drama.
Then the skepticism. I have an inner enemy. I know this. Why must I be reluctant to take seriously the possibility that the universe is cooperating with me and with my plans??? To believe what I am doing with developing m creative within can actually produce results and significant change- preposterous! But it isn’t! I must keep my mind open to unlimited possibilities and with that keep my eyes open too. To keep a vision and allow the universe to assist in seeing it through! Then notice and give the messages the respect that they deserve. If I want to be a writer, be a writer and watch the help that will come my way by just doing and believing. If I want to be anything I put my mind to, I need to just act and exercise that creative muscle! That is it- recognize the saboteurs and call them out, especially if it is me! Do the work, don’t judge the work! Then believe that I am creative – believe it or affirm it, just know it. And away we go on the journey to the stars!
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